Not a personal assistant

Now anyone who knows me, knows I have alot going on right now. The baby stays sick and this whole job situation is killing me. Why all of a sudden have I become a personal assistant? So it is time to shut it down. I'm not giving rides, information,making calls, nothing. If it specifically has nothing to do with me and the kids I am done. I don't have a problem helping folks, but when you tell someone you need time for yourself they have no respect. I need a moment to concentrate on self. There is a reason I am not in a relationship. All I have to concentrate on is me and the kids. Thanks for letting me rant.

Hospitals

I took the baby to the ER today. I hate sitting there like I had these kids via some Immaculate Conception. Its so lonely not knowing what's happening next. At least we made it home this time.

re-evaluation

I will be 30 in July. And with that particular age comes a reevaluation of oneself. I think everyone does it to some extent. So my revaluation for the moment consists of the men in my life. And unfortunately that included my baby daddy. But the other two confuse me so much. I love both but one got me smitten. While the other not so much. And the one that has me smitten is the one who isn't feeling me like I am feeling him. One thing that nwver changes regardless of age is trying to understand men. I am tired of being alone (Al Grene). Truly I am. I seek companionship. I miss it a lot. And not even sure its out there for me right now.

Haven't posted in a while. Been extremely busy trying to get back into school and other things. The little one was sick and needed to go to the hospital. That always takes alot out of me. I know i made a concious decision to be alone but sitting worrying about your child alone is no fun. I seek companionship but at the same time am wary of it. Been alone so long not looking forward to having to answer to someone. I don't know anymore.

My Baby!

My youngest son is 7 1/2 months. I had him when I was only 29 weeks pregnant. I don't really know what happened. I was standing in the kitchen and my water broke! I ran to the hospital and wasn't in labor. So I layed in the hospital for 7 days before I started having contractions. I had a C-section and here he is. He was born weighing 2lbs 15 oz. God is great because as of today he is around 18lbs. He is a beautiful child. I love him so very much. He is healthy for the most part. He has been hospitalized twice since being released from hospital. But he is doing great. Same daddy as my older son. It's all good though.

F@#ked up people

You know I can't stand f@#ked up people. Fake ass, hatin folk. Anyway, took kids to see their daddy. He is intolerable. On my list of f@#ked up people. Actually he is number one!! LMAO!!Just will circumvent anything I try to do to make my children into respectable men. And I know, Ishould've screened him more before having children with him. Nothing I can do about that now. I try to teach my boys the right way. I want them to be respectful and trustworthy. I want them to be law-abiding citizens. I know, I know real B.S. But that is how I truly feel.

Lashonn

Untitled

So I haven't blogged in a few days. Alot has happened in these last few days. But I am well, the children are well, so everything is good. Don't have much to say. Just wanted to check in. Looking for work. Hope unemployment kicks in soon. It is scary out there. Peace

Careers

I changed jobs looking for a career. Everyone told me no. I should've listened. I went on my own thought process anyway. Now I have been in limbo for a month. I wasn't doing well in the new job and not sure if they are going to fire me or give me another chance. I know what I need to do to succeed it's just about getting it done. Not sure of anything at all in my life. life is such a trial.

Music

This blog was supposed to be about being a single mother. And it is. But I also have to address music. I grew up in the 90's. Needless to say I do enjoy my fair share of music. It helps me when I am down and when I want to stay on a natural high. So please enjoy this link. My boy sent it to me and I did. Enjoy!
http://tinyurl.com/cevpgx

Lashonn

Positive Male Role Model

The more you turn the bad ones away, the more they pursue. I would like to have a in house father figure for my boys. My oldest had my ex and he definitely had a major impact on how he acts and who he became to be as a child. Now that he is approaching those "tween" ages I would like someone else to be around. No offense to women who raised their sons alone, it's just not something I would like to do. I don't have a major selection of men who I like. The ones who really want to be there are not my top choices. The ones I have as top choices don't want to be there. So I guess that leaves me to find someone new. I don't really know how to go about that though. I don't like to go out and really socialize. I guess I am going to have to but not even sure how to meet someone. And not to sound so cliche but there isn't a major selection out there. And it's not like I will meet someone and just rush into living together or something. I feel like my children deserve even just a father figure. I know that shit won't work between me and their father. But that doesn't mean they don't deserve to learn how to become men. I don't think it is something I can teach them. I know, I should've thought about this before I had my youngest son. It wasn't his decision to be here. But now that I have two so it's even more important that they see a positive male role model. And my father and mother are still together and alive. Yes, my dad is a great man. They are my role models for marriage and love. But still, I want my boys to see that Mommy can have that too. Is that thinking about myself only?

Lashonn

He's No Good

How do you know he is no good for you? I will address this lightly, only because I am sleepy. He was no good for me. And when you are young, you really believe that you can change him. That is such bullshit. No one will change if they don't want to change. You move with him, thinking it will make everything better. It just makes it worse. You trying to live like a happy family and his ass still running the street. You allow shit you would never allow with the other. Y'all break up and he moves out. But you being the young girl just can't get enough of that lovin. You go back with your stupid ass. The cycle begins all over again. To any young ladies who may read this, please allow what you read to enter your mind. Digest it, it is important. Whether you were a jumpoff or wifey, he may walk away. And you can't change anyone. It's a hard lesson I learned but I am glad I know it now. Goodnight!

Lashonn

My oldest son

Well, time to discuss children. I had my oldest son when I was 21. I was living out of my parents house. I was with someone who was abusive but we were trying to work things out. I was living in Newark. I love Newark. I enjoy living in cities where you have anonymity. The town I live in is nosey as hell. Anyway, for the first year and a half things seemed to be going well. Then a jumpoff felt like he wanted to check my son's paternity. I had no doubts so we did. Well, that shook my world to the core. Through this time, I realized that he wasn't developing at a rate as the other children. So my ex and I had him tested for learning disabilities. My ex is not my son's father. The results came back and he was diagnosed Autistic-PDD, speech delay, and ADHD. So from dealing with the paternity and the special needs, I became burnt out. I broke up with my ex, thinking it would help the situation. It didn't. I enrolled my son in speech classes. I tried to move in with his father. That has always been disastrous. Anyway, my son has improved so much. My desire for him is to be as "regular" as possible. He is the light of my life. It was just he and I for 7 1/2 years. I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. I had my youngest in July 2008. I love my children. I struggle as a single parent but I don't regret my choices. Till next time.

Lashonn

Untitled

Why are females so hard to deal with? I only have a few female friends. I don't confide in all of them just a choice two or three. I talk to some and don't have to worry about my info coming out. Others like to tell your shit. Now I am not saying I do the best stuff in the world. But if someone confides in you, keep that shit to yourself. Especially your friend. I don't know. Maybe I deserve my shit to be out in the open. It's just overwhelming. I really just do not know.

Infamous Job Search

Well, I am tired. Went on job interview today. It was decent, informative. I am very good at what I do in my field. Just were not offering enough money for the hours. I am interested, just know that there is no way I can survive on that money. And I am tired of working two jobs. My second job is being a mother. My children need me and my income. Not sure of what to do next.

Life

Hello world. Right now I am looking for work. I previously worked somewhere that was a great job just horrible environment. No room for upward mobility. I needed to move on. Went to interview today. It was ok. Interviewee was nice and informative. I know I have skills in my job that I deserve a certain type of money. They just don't offer what I made at other job. It is a very hard place to get a job at right now. Everyone is cutting back but needs help. Not sure of what is going to happen. Need to take care of my children. Their father is not financially involved at all. That is a super long story! So they depend on me for everything. Hopefully it all will work out and maybe that stimulus isn't far away from our pockets. Hope everyone is having a productive day.



Lashonn

Obama Speech

I had to come on and say something about this speech. He really wanted to let us know what he has done in the last 36 days. I am glad he did. At least we have an idea of what is going on in Washington. As a single mother I was happy to hear discussion about education and healthcare. I looked up on www.nj.gov just to see how the healthcare plan worked if you did not have it through your job. You have to be without healthcare for 3 months before you can get coverage for your children. That is wrong. Education is also a big thing for me. With my oldest being PDD, I am always interested in hearing about aid to send him to college. I know he can excel with help. I am an involved parent. I go to meetings and read at home. All that stuff is good but you can always use help from your government. It was informative. Could have done without all that applause but I enjoyed hearing from our President.

BlackSingleMother

This is the first post of BSM Blog. I am new at this. I definitely have alot on my mind. Not even sure if there is a medium for what I want to say. I am a 29 year old African American single mother. I have two beautiful sons. I have an 8 year old who is Austic-PDD. We can get into that explanation later. My younger son is about to be 7 months old. He was two months premature. Never quite figured out why. I have my suspicions about that too. I love them dearly. I actually still care alot for their father(yes it is the same man for both). I know it would never work for us to be together though. I have realized, before having my little one, that we can love but from afar. He will never change into the man I am looking for. I am not big on writing properly but will get it together soon. I know I will come up here and rant. That's part of the reason I am doing this. I have alot on my mind. To those of you who know me, I hope this shows you more about my situation. For those of you who don't, welcome to my world.

Lashonn